Wireless turtleneck pants [Orig 11-18-10]

I bought a pair of such pants at the Sharper Image, oh, years ago, the late 80's, when I was visiting San Francisco.
I could have gone to Sharper Image at the Montgomery Mall back home, and if they didn't have the pants on-premises, I could have ordered them from the catalogue, but that was the thing: It was an impulse buy.
When they said wireless, they really could have said wire-full; the antenna ran throughout the fabric of the pants to get the best reception; it was like a radio-wave skimmer. Truth be told, the novelty wore off pretty fast on wearing the pants, but I did drape them over the barbell and press bench in my room and listen to them every morning while I was getting dressed for work.
There was always the caveat that "WATER RESISTANT is not WATER-PROOF," such that, if it said "Water-resistant," it wasn't guaranteeing anything, they just didn't want you to freak out. Thing is, the most perfect place to have them would probably be the beach, if anyone ever really wanted to wear pants on the beach, especially turtle-neck ones. I did reserve them as my winter-hiking pants, and much enjoyed one afternoon of hiking along an Appalachain ridge, listening to some AM cowboy station out of Wyoming. When I recall the events surrounding the pants, the San Francisco visit, the hiking, the songs I heard once but never again, it seems I'm triangulating on heaven.
I took them around to the dry-cleaner a couple of times, but the cleaner always said they weren't sure how to clean them, and couldn't make any guarantees, so every time I left with them, not ready to give up their unique functionality for cleanliness.