Takin' a Mark Twain break ...
These are rants from The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn
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Whoo-oop! I’m the old original iron-jawed brass mounted copper-bellied corpse-maker from the wilds of Arkansaw! Look at me!
I’m the man they call Sudden Death and General Desolation! Sired by a hurricane, dam’d by an earthquake, half-brother to the cholera, nearly related to the small-pox on the mother’s side! Look at me! I take nineteen alligators and a bar’l of whiskey for breakfast when I’m in robust health, and a bushel of rattlesnakes and a dead body when I’m ailing! I split the everlasting rocks with my glance, and I squench the thunder when I speak! Whoo-oop! Stand back and give me room according to my strength! Blood’s my natural drink, and the wails of the dying is music to my ear! Cast your eye on me, gentlemen! – and lay low and hold your breath, for I’m about to turn myself loose!
**
Whoo-oop! I’m the bloodiest son of a wildcat that lives!
**
Whoo-oop! Bow your neck and spread, for the kingdom of sorrow’s a-coming! Hold me down to the earth, for I feel my powers a-working! Whoo-oop! I’m a child of sin, don’t let me get a start! Smoked glass here, for all! Don’t attempt to look at me with the naked eye gentlemen! When I’m playful I use the meridians of longitude and parallels of latitude for a seine, and drag the ..Atlantic Ocean.. for whales! I scratch my head with lightning and purr myself to sleep with thunder! When I’m cold, I bile the Gulf of Mexico and bathe in it; when I’m hot I fan myself with an equinoctial storm; when I’m thirsty I reach up and suck a cloud dry like a sponge; when I range the earth hungry, famine follows in my tracks! Whoo-oop! Bow your neck and spread! I put my hand on the sun’s face and make it night in the earth; I bite a piece out of the moon and hurry the seasons; I shake myself and crumble the mountains! Contemplate me through leather – don’t use the naked eye! I’m the man with a petrified heart and biler-iron bowels! The massacre of isolated communities is the pastime of my idle moments, the destruction of nationalities the serious business of my life! The boundless vastness of the great American desert is my enclosed property, and I bury my dead on my own premises!
**
Whoo-oop! Bow your neck and spread, for the pet child of calamity’s a-coming!
**
***
Whoo-oop! I’m the old original iron-jawed brass mounted copper-bellied corpse-maker from the wilds of Arkansaw! Look at me!
I’m the man they call Sudden Death and General Desolation! Sired by a hurricane, dam’d by an earthquake, half-brother to the cholera, nearly related to the small-pox on the mother’s side! Look at me! I take nineteen alligators and a bar’l of whiskey for breakfast when I’m in robust health, and a bushel of rattlesnakes and a dead body when I’m ailing! I split the everlasting rocks with my glance, and I squench the thunder when I speak! Whoo-oop! Stand back and give me room according to my strength! Blood’s my natural drink, and the wails of the dying is music to my ear! Cast your eye on me, gentlemen! – and lay low and hold your breath, for I’m about to turn myself loose!
**
Whoo-oop! I’m the bloodiest son of a wildcat that lives!
**
Whoo-oop! Bow your neck and spread, for the kingdom of sorrow’s a-coming! Hold me down to the earth, for I feel my powers a-working! Whoo-oop! I’m a child of sin, don’t let me get a start! Smoked glass here, for all! Don’t attempt to look at me with the naked eye gentlemen! When I’m playful I use the meridians of longitude and parallels of latitude for a seine, and drag the ..Atlantic Ocean.. for whales! I scratch my head with lightning and purr myself to sleep with thunder! When I’m cold, I bile the Gulf of Mexico and bathe in it; when I’m hot I fan myself with an equinoctial storm; when I’m thirsty I reach up and suck a cloud dry like a sponge; when I range the earth hungry, famine follows in my tracks! Whoo-oop! Bow your neck and spread! I put my hand on the sun’s face and make it night in the earth; I bite a piece out of the moon and hurry the seasons; I shake myself and crumble the mountains! Contemplate me through leather – don’t use the naked eye! I’m the man with a petrified heart and biler-iron bowels! The massacre of isolated communities is the pastime of my idle moments, the destruction of nationalities the serious business of my life! The boundless vastness of the great American desert is my enclosed property, and I bury my dead on my own premises!
**
Whoo-oop! Bow your neck and spread, for the pet child of calamity’s a-coming!
**
posted by Constance X at 6:41 PM
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