How the Earth was Measured

CM: The French measured the earth around the equator, using stainless steel meter-sticks laid end-to-end, all on a rainy Sunday.

NGF: I'd worry more about the ocean than rain if that was the case.

CM: Maybe it was buoyant stainless steel. Or maybe they never did that, they just used Pi to calculate it after putting meter-sticks end to end from the surface of the earth to its core.

NGF: I don't think we went to the core, as the earth is too dense deep, the former seems more sensible honestly.

CM: Because they could stay dry that way. The Tour Eiffel is a meter-stick derrick that pounds them into the ground.  ... Yeah, besides, they would have run into the Chinese down there. I did not know you are French.

NGF: I'm actually Irish. I just travel quite a lot.

CM: This page could be renamed "People who have complicated feelings about the ocean."

NGF: I love the ocean, though. I'm just scared of it. I am not the best swimmer and because of that, the only thing I plan to drown in is a pint of beer.

CM: I think the ocean is a big ol' bitch and I want to totally cancel out its waves with my massive butterfly stroke, but I wear out, and it mocks me relentlessly. Maybe I could invent a machine to slap it and counter the waves and tide. Perhaps doing such a thing could bring down the moon, or just disturb its orbit.

NGF: Or you could, like, destroy the moon?

CM: I will destroy the moon with my massive butterfly stroke, stirring up moondust as I circumnavigate it, and making the moon dissolve into its own comet-tail, which will thus become the earth's Kuiper belt, or just a plain ol' mess of finely pulverized space junk. Huhn. Maybe this is why my life smells like a car fire. It's moon dust. I need some rain, NGF.

NGF: It is raining here. I don't mind sharing.