A Day at the Other Desk
I was way behind on my collections, and decided I really needed to devote a full day to calling on overdue accounts.
The first place I called was the Atlantis Company, for which I had formulated "invisible paper."
"No, I don't recall that project ever going on here," the purchasing agent there said. "The purchase order isn't in our system, but if this is something you contracted directly with one of our engineering groups, send us the contract, but from here I can't see any evidence it ever happened." I made a note to dig out the contract, and hoped it was as I had remembered.
Next I called Bendeye Inc., about a four-way mirror I had devised for a specific optical application. They said they had paid me in full, and didn't understand why I was still sending late notices. After being transferred through several departments, I found someone who said she'd look up the cancelled check and send me a copy. I was certain there was no check.
I dialed up The Excellent Group, and told them I really needed to close out the balance on the Bigness-intensity capacitor farm I had finished setting up for them last quarter. The switch-flipping party had been totally off-the-hook; I was afraid to ask for the check at the time – I thought my own person was going to be torn to confetti in their general rioting over the project's success, so I thought it would be a bad idea to be carrying said document right then, lest it be shredded as well.
"Oh, man, about that," the Project Lead said. "We kind of haven't been getting the bignesses this past month, and demand is way low …"
"What has that got to do with me? I delivered …" I could tell this was going to be drawn out.
I checked in with Deflex Inc., on some schematics I had sent them pertaining to a hydroplaning boomerang ferry they were setting up on a holiday route between Dubai and Madagascar.
"As we recall, that was speculative work on your part that we decided we had no interest in picking up – we're sorry; we're still not interested."
"Excuse me but -- how could I have made that project up? Of course you had asked me to do it!"
Now it seemed the Director was insulted that I thought his idea was stupid, after all, or insulted that I thought he was stupid enough to come up with such an idea, and now I wouldn't claim it as my own.
"… I'll send a copy of the work order."
Next I called the Everlong Corporation about a time machine I had delivered to them, oh, man, I can't believe it, it was back in 2000, so that they could take a pallet of baseball trading cards back to the beginning of the national game's inception, and front-load the past of the trading-card market. There had been a big race on to do this, and I charged a RUSH premium on it, but had never seen the check. I couldn't believe I had kept my head down, working on new stuff, without ever looking into this since the year 2000.
"We wouldn't have any paperwork on that," the clerk said. “It all gets shredded after seven years … I think there's a statute of limitations, anyway."
The first place I called was the Atlantis Company, for which I had formulated "invisible paper."
"No, I don't recall that project ever going on here," the purchasing agent there said. "The purchase order isn't in our system, but if this is something you contracted directly with one of our engineering groups, send us the contract, but from here I can't see any evidence it ever happened." I made a note to dig out the contract, and hoped it was as I had remembered.
Next I called Bendeye Inc., about a four-way mirror I had devised for a specific optical application. They said they had paid me in full, and didn't understand why I was still sending late notices. After being transferred through several departments, I found someone who said she'd look up the cancelled check and send me a copy. I was certain there was no check.
I dialed up The Excellent Group, and told them I really needed to close out the balance on the Bigness-intensity capacitor farm I had finished setting up for them last quarter. The switch-flipping party had been totally off-the-hook; I was afraid to ask for the check at the time – I thought my own person was going to be torn to confetti in their general rioting over the project's success, so I thought it would be a bad idea to be carrying said document right then, lest it be shredded as well.
"Oh, man, about that," the Project Lead said. "We kind of haven't been getting the bignesses this past month, and demand is way low …"
"What has that got to do with me? I delivered …" I could tell this was going to be drawn out.
I checked in with Deflex Inc., on some schematics I had sent them pertaining to a hydroplaning boomerang ferry they were setting up on a holiday route between Dubai and Madagascar.
"As we recall, that was speculative work on your part that we decided we had no interest in picking up – we're sorry; we're still not interested."
"Excuse me but -- how could I have made that project up? Of course you had asked me to do it!"
Now it seemed the Director was insulted that I thought his idea was stupid, after all, or insulted that I thought he was stupid enough to come up with such an idea, and now I wouldn't claim it as my own.
"… I'll send a copy of the work order."
Next I called the Everlong Corporation about a time machine I had delivered to them, oh, man, I can't believe it, it was back in 2000, so that they could take a pallet of baseball trading cards back to the beginning of the national game's inception, and front-load the past of the trading-card market. There had been a big race on to do this, and I charged a RUSH premium on it, but had never seen the check. I couldn't believe I had kept my head down, working on new stuff, without ever looking into this since the year 2000.
"We wouldn't have any paperwork on that," the clerk said. “It all gets shredded after seven years … I think there's a statute of limitations, anyway."
posted by Constance X at 5:58 PM
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